what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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