sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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