sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
