I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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