she was so not down for the gang bang
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
