Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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