I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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