We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
