good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
