this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Are we still banned from the library?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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