Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Ambien. No doubt about it.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
