I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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