He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
