My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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