So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
