My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
