Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
