Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
