But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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