I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize