dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
