drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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