Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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