She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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