the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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