Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
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Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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