I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
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