She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
