i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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