Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
