imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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