I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
