she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
