you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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