my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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