So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
