when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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