brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
