I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
