I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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