That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
