It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
