ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
