Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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