It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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