I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
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Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
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I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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