Yo dont text me then not text me
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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