You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
