I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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