seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
