Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
