my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
