I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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