y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
