You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
