i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
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