ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
