I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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