I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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