How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
