Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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