all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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