lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
