but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
