I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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