We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Drake has all the answers
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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