my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
