Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
