Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
