I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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