I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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